


The Closing of a Story

by Nightwinging_Life



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loneliness, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Notes, Xisuma needs a hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28583358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightwinging_Life/pseuds/Nightwinging_Life
Summary: There was a time where he was so afraid that maybe someone would notice. Now he just wished someone would.-----Xisuma's thoughts have been leading him down a dark path and he had hit his breaking point.
Comments: 17
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please be careful reading this. Read the tags and take care of yourself.

There was a time where he was so afraid that maybe someone would notice. Now he just wished someone would.

He was far from those times he was always so careful. Careful to hide the bleeding, the eye bags, anything that might give it away that he wasn’t alright. He’d gotten much more reckless. 

_ “Geeze! Were you even looking out for monsters? You’re out here in the middle of a full moon, you know that’s when the mobs are the most dangerous. You’re going to get yourself killed!” _

If only. It was all written off as a lapse in judgement or losing track of time. 

_ “Man, have you eaten anything lately? You look like you can barely stand!” _

He’d passed out earlier but no one had seen him out cold in the middle of the Shopping District. He woke up with a pounding in his head and an emptiness inside him. No one was there. 

No one was ever there.

He had tried to reach out. He’d asked all over if anyone had the time to work on a new project with him or if there was something he could do to help them.

_ “Oh sorry, I’ve just started a project and Iskall was going to help me.” _

_ “Sorry, what were you saying? Bdubs was just getting back to me about something we’re working on. It’s going to be huge.” _

It’s fine. They were all busy. They had stuff to do. He had gotten back to work with his mega brewery. The Hermits would be able to stop by and get any potion they needed, he just needed to add a few more circuits. He could be useful. He could help.

Well, maybe it would be able to help the Hermits when he was gone. They never really needed him anyway, but he wanted to leave some sort of gift for them. 

Would they even find his letters? His goodbyes? They might never even read them. It’s fine. He kept them short anyway. Wouldn’t want to waste their time.

He hopes they don’t find his body. They’d be more at rest to think he’d just gone off to find a new start. Plenty of other Hermits had gone away looking for a new beginning in the past. So many had left him before. He knew almost all of the Hermits kept in contact with the Old Hermits but people had stopped responding to his messages. He couldn’t blame them, they had moved on. 

Everything comes to a close.

And it was time for his story to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might add more on to this in the future with the Hermit's reactions but this was mostly a vent fic. Didn't really edit it and posted it on a bit of impulse so I might delete this in the future.


	2. Keralis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It never should have been Keralis. He shouldn't have had to share the news. Xisuma was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pay attention to the tags and be safe.

It never should have been Keralis. He shouldn’t have had to share the news. Xisuma was gone.

It had been like any other day, the sun was shining, redstone farms ticking, the bees buzzing-- there was no warning. The sound of the firework and the air whooshing past, catching his elytra, filled Keralis’ ears. X had been working on some project that needed tons of carrots and lately Keralis’ farm had been producing more carrots than he could handle himself.

The shulker boxes were tucked under his arms: taking more than one trip would have been tedious, and he’d rather surprise Shishwammy with all of the carrots at once. 

The landing pad of Xisuma’s storage room came into view through the dense leaf canopy. Keralis brought his wings back to try and slow his descent into the room. He wasn’t like Grian. He had a sense of caution when it came to flying. And besides, X could be standing in there and he’d hate to crash into him. 

Disappointment hit when he saw the empty room. It was to be expected though. Keralis hadn’t told Xisuma he was stopping by. He was probably off working on one of his projects. Looking around, a sense of unease came over him. The room was clean, almost spotless, no shulker boxes in sight. It was strange to see someone’s base without some stray shulker box or chest for rubbish and X’s base was usually no exception. Yet here he was in an empty room. 

One box seemed out of place with all of the chests around. It sat over by all of the empty shulkers, tucked away neatly in a corner. The wide eyed man walked over to it and noticed a bunch of letters inside it and one set right on top that read “Hermits”.

He picked it up with shaky hands, unsure of if he should open it or not. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to know what was in it. Curiosity got the better of him and he slowly opened it.

Inside was a single piece of paper, written in Xisuma’s handwriting. It seemed a bit messier, as if it had been written with shaky hands. 

“Dear Hermits, 

If you are reading this, I’m gone. I wish the best for you all in the future, but my time on this server has come to a close. I’ve given Doc and Etho temporary Admin access until you decide on who you want to hold the position of Admin. I feel more than one person should have the power and the responsibility, it can be too much for one person to handle at times. I know you will all do great things in the future and will make the right choice. You all have been the greatest servermates and I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have had the chance to get to know each and every one of you.

In this box I have written goodbyes for each of the Hermits and some of our old friends. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to say goodbye to you all in person. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I’m sorry. I wish I was able to talk to you all one last time, but it was too much. My time in this server was coming to a close and it would have been too much to see all of you.

I’ve also finished up a project for all of the Hermits to use. It’s an industrial scale, automatic brewery with more than enough potions for everyone to use for whatever they could need them for. Some things might need to be restocked in the future, but I’ve left a manual on the different inputs. I hope that these potions will help you all, even if I am not here.

It has been an amazing ride and I wish each and every one of you the best of luck in the future.

Farewell,

Xisuma Void”

Tears welled up in his eyes. He couldn’t really be gone, could he? He must have read it wrong. Keralis read it over and over again, the words becoming progressively harder and harder to read through the tears. 

A tear dripped off his chin onto the paper. How would he tell the Hermits? Xisuma is gone, and it doesn’t seem like he will be coming back.

Keralis fell to the floor. How could he do this?

Sobs rang out from a tower that now felt so lonely. A tower amongst others that would never be a home again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People seemed to like this oneshot, so I'm continuing the story and showing the reactions of the Hermits. Updates should be more frequent than my other fics because these chapters have been shorter and easier to write. Thank you guys for the support, you are the best. Be safe out there.


	3. Doc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pay attention to the tags and keep yourself safe.

He wiped his weary eyes. He had been working on this project for so long, and it was starting to take a toll on him. A yawn escaped his lips. When was the last time he actually had a proper sleep? 

He opened up his communicator, and blinked. Since when did he have Admin access? Doc turned it off and back on to the same screen. How did he even have Admin access?!

Doc to Xisuma: Hey X, I think I might have a problem with my communicator, says I have Admin access? Do you know what that’s about?

A system error flashed on screen when he pressed send. 

“What do you mean no player ‘Xisuma’ detected? What is that even supposed to mean?!”

Unease hit him. Something was very wrong. 

Doc pulled out the main chat.

Docm77: Guys, something’s wrong. I have Admin access and the system says that X doesn’t exist in it.

Mumbo Jumbo: What is that supposed to mean? X is gone?

Etho: This is strange. I have Admin access too.

Grian: How come I didn’t get Admin access?

Minutes of confused messages passed. No one seemed to have a clue what was going on and there was still no sign of Xisuma.

“What did Zizuma do this time?”

Nothing like this had ever happened before. X just vanished out of nowhere? 

Another message came in.

Keralis: Meet me at X’s storage room. There’s something everyone needs to see. Please, it’s important.

Doc frowned. Keralis’ message was concerning to say the least, and to make things worse, it sounded nothing like Keralis. Something bad surely was going on.

He looked around to make sure nothing was running that could potentially break and then pulled out his rockets and shot off into the sky. He headed over to Xisuma’s base, a sense of dread coming over him.


	4. Etho

Etho was the closest to X’s base, bar maybe Keralis, so it was natural he got there first. He landed in the landing bay, looking around the familiar base. He’d been here many times before to do some, ahem, Shade-E stuff. It was cleaner than he’d ever seen it. Everything seemed to be in its place.

A hunched figure sat in one of the corners, over by the wall of empty shulker boxes.

“Keralis, is that you?” His voice rang out in the room.

There was a small sniffle and Kerlais looked over at him. “Hi Etho.” He couldn’t decide what was more unsettling, hearing Keralis’ voice void of its usual happiness, or seeing such weariness on the face of a man who seemed to have a permanent surprised look on it. Keralis almost didn’t look like himself.

Etho swiftly headed over to the builder. “Keralis, what’s wrong?” He sat down next to Keralis, ready to offer comfort.

Keralis just stared down at a piece of paper in his hands. “Shishw- X, is gone.” He held out the letter and Etho gently took it from him.

His eyes scanned the paper and the pieces started to slowly fall into place. “Oh.” He didn’t know what to say. A numbness came over him. Was X even alive? His words had been so certain that this would be the last time any of them heard from him. 

He riffled through the envelopes, reading the names. Keralis, Doc, Bdubs- even Zueljin had a letter. Every single Hermit, present or past, was in here, and there were a handful of names that Etho didn’t even recognise. 

His mind flashed to another day. He had walked in to letters apon letters being written. Last time he had been able to talk them down, but this time-- he hadn’t seen the signs. 

“X, no-”

Keralis looked up at Etho with his doe-like eyes. “He’s not coming back, is he?”

It hurt to see Keralis like this and Etho didn’t have the heart to tell him. “I don’t think so.” Etho held out his arms and Keralis clung onto him. He hugged him tightly. The two had never been particularly close, but they needed some comfort. It was going to be a rough time on the server.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to let y'all know that you guys are the best. Thanks for all the support! <3


	5. Beef

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to keep an eye on the tags and take care of yourselves.
> 
> Italicized words are song lyrics from the song Brighter Side of Grey.

From the moment Keralis sent out the message, Beef knew that something was wrong. Keralis wasn’t one to sound emotionless, even over text. He knew something bad had happened, but he underestimated the weight of the situation. 

Xisuma was gone. For good.

Those words rang out in the room of people you could never get to settle down. Yet with a few words, all there was in that small room was silence. It was almost as if in that moment the life was drained from the group. 

Etho had continued speaking, but Beef wasn’t listening, he couldn’t. The words of a song Xisuma had shown him hit like a truck. He had known what the lyrics had meant, but he didn’t understand them fully. Now he did.

_ I’m writing this in case I’m gone tomorrow.  _

No, no, no, it couldn’t be true. 

_ I’m writing this in case I’ve moved along. _

God, why hadn’t he noticed the signs?

_ There’s something that I hope you’ll remember. _

Fake smiles behind tinted glass. The self destructive behavior-

_ That life is not a game, it’s a song. _

Xisuma had been like a ballad. Raw emotions from heavy metal roots. He had been comfort, he had been pain, he had been sorrow. 

But like even the greatest of songs, he had an end.

_ So take the best parts of me, locked away without the keys. And know that I’m forever by your side. _

Xisuma was the song that made people stop and listen, really listen. He wasn’t a catchy tune that got stuck inside your head. He wasn’t just meaningless repetition. He had been the song that slowly built. Built until the most powerful chord that resonated inside you. He hadn’t slowly faded into the background. He had been amazing and full of a light for others to see right up until the end.

An end that left a void that couldn’t be filled again.

_ When the lights go down. Know that I am never far away. _

It felt so empty and dark. The light seemed to have left the room. The memories of Xisuma seemed so far away and faint. He couldn’t have felt further away.

_ When the sun burns out, I’ll be waiting on the brighter side of grey.  _

The admin’s light was gone. They had lost a friend, a brother, a part of them. The color and life had faded to gray. There was no bright side to this. This could never be fixed.

_ If you’re reading this, I know you’re feeling sorrow. _

The empty void of silence was only broken by the sound of sobbing. Others stood there, shocked and numb.

_ If you’re hearing this, I know you’re probably scared. _

It felt like a dream, like a worst nightmare. Nothing felt real, it couldn’t be.

_ Just know that all the things you want are borrowed. And all you get to keep is all you’ve shared. _

He just wanted his friend back. He’d trade it all for another chance to set things right. 

_ So wipe away the tears for me. Know that we made history. Remember no one ever really dies. _

The last few years have been the best. They had become a family. That would never change. They all still cared. 

_ When the lights go down. Know that I am never far away. _

They would all hold the memories of a better time, a time when the end seemed so far away. A time when Xisuma had been there himself. A time when life seemed to be going perfectly. 

_ When the sun burns out, I’ll be waiting on the brighter side of grey.  _

The worlds seemed to go back into focus and Beef took in his surroundings. Keralis and Bdubs sat on the landing bay, looking out into the jungle. Etho had since moved to sit next to Doc who sat on the floor with his head down, his hands grabbing onto his hair and his elbows resting on his knees. 

Cub was hugging a sobbing Scar who gripped tightly onto the other’s labcoat. They were dressed in their normal clothes, no pharo or mayor, just two friends. Ren sat next to Iskall who was trying to comfort a crying Stress. False stared at an envelope in her hands, left unopened. Zedaph, Impulse, and Tango sat leaning against a wall of chests, getting a grip of the situation. A few tears rolled down their faces. 

Grian hugged Mumbo who still hadn’t moved since he heard the news. His face looked pale and tired. Joe and Cleo each reading a letter with tear-filled eyes. TFC looked much older, sadness covering his face. Wels stood facing a wall with one hand resting on the wall with another in a fist. His head was down, staring at the floor. Jevin looked deflated, barely holding onto his normal shape. Xb sat against a chest with his head back resting against it. His eyes were closed but tears slowly rolled down his face. Hypno was staring at his hands. 

Beef placed his face in his hands. How could X have done this to them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going through my playlist that I like to call "Feelings are Messy" and Brighter Side of Grey by Five Finger Death Punch came on and I just went ?! THAT'S THIS FIC!! So I wanted to include it in some way. I wrote this from Beef's perspective because he seemed like someone X would talk to about music.
> 
> While some of the Hermits might not realize that X is dead, some of them do know. Doc, Etho, and Beef to name a few names. Keralis hasn't realized yet...
> 
> But thank you guys for the support on this. I love seeing what you guys think of it. Yes, that includes those of you who have threatened to come for my knee caps. I appreciate each and every one of you.

**Author's Note:**

> I might add more on to this in the future with the Hermit's reactions but this was mostly a vent fic. Didn't really edit it and posted it on a bit of impulse so I might delete this in the future.


End file.
